Cultivate an Open Mind Question your assumptions about everything. When people get defensive, sometimes they automatically think that the other person is wrong. If someone is too defensive they are basically always on the look out for emotional attack. The cost to our intimate relationships when we aren't willing to protest whether out of fear, self-doubt, an impulse to people-please and so on is that we literally make it impossible for the issues in the relationship to heal. If people often tell you that you are just being defensive, I think the best response is to listen to them. Sometimes, it is possible to view a situation in a way that is more constructive.
It is something to continuously work on. My husband,his mom and I went to a restaurant for dinner. After one or two back-and-forths, Avi told me I was probably right. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. People who use a lot of personal pronouns I, me, mine, myself may be more defensive than most because they are relating more things back to themselves personally. Is defensiveness a form of 'control freakery' in some people? Watch out for this little grammatical sign of defensiveness, and temporarily ban it from your vocabulary.
When you're alone, think about the conversation and determine what is making you angry in the first place. And fwiw, telling someone to stop being defensive is not the best way to get them to open up to see your point. Permission to publish granted by , The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. To manage these typically valuable folks when they are in manic states, remind yourself that gorillas are normally shy and amiable creatures.
Ask yourself these questions, even if your self-help books aren't. The simple tweak works wonders. How am I being defensive?. The real situation can be anything if you are 3 for example one of them can be stubborn and not accepting the things what we say although if we are talking to that stubborn person he will take it to the third person and twist the subject and he will make us fight with the the third person. But through awareness and a bit of practice, you can drastically reduce the frequency of these behaviors.
If things outside of your control affect your work, try not to let this affect you. Being defensive doesn't mean you have to be negative, there's a way to have a positive outlook while still protecting your identity. Therefore, when your partner criticizes you, there is something important he or she is trying to tell you. I use the same skill sets today to design interventions that foster the success of entrepreneurs and C-level executives, particularly those at risk for career burnout or engaging in self-defeating behaviors. Avoid criticizing rather than complaining and remember to let people know when they make you happy, too. But for everything else, here is a useful heuristic: if you have a desire to react immediately, you are probably being defensive.
And certainly, nothing to get defensive about! Because your worth is not dependent upon what you do. If their tiffs contain criticism rather than complaint then the relationship is headed toward meltdown. Tell your partner what you agree with. But sometimes, maybe through 'faulty learning', we start to flee what would actually be good for us. Use humor to lighten the mood. But it might seem as if they are if you've lived through periods in which you genuinely were set upon, targeted, or abused. This question tells me you discovered a huge potential in yourself! You know you burnt the lasagna, and you want your partner to be more understanding of how hard it is to get a home-made dinner on the table in the midst of a busy life.
You need not make excuses when you are criticized or someone disagrees with you. Experiment with viewing the situation from different vantage points. I find it a masterpiece. But I find it fairly familiar. Differing opinions is why we have different people on teams. Being defensive is not an evil thing. More commonly however, people who are over-defensive have been criticized a lot in the past, and defensiveness has developed as a self-protection mechanism.
If they react negatively to it, then this may not be a joking matter. Concentrate on what they are saying rather than thinking about how you're going to respond. They are either set to 'receive' or 'transmit'. According to Psychology Today, Anna Freud, Sigmund Freud's daughter, helped illustrate that there are that everyone goes through in her book, The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense. By repeating something your partner said, you let them know you were listening. Defensiveness springs from the emotional not logical brain. How do you silence your inner-lawyer's constant stream of counterarguments? Your only hope of stimulating the desired cognizance of what is right and proper is to admit defeat and abandon them.